The Greatest Mind of the Modern Age – Thorndike Fritz

Or, My Obscure Intellectual is More Obscure Intellectual than Yours

By: Jay

Amongst many in my circles, it is as if there is a perpetual scouting to see who can find the most obscure (often 19-20th century) modern era intellectual, whose “theological nuances,” “conservative witticisms and aphorisms” and “literary tropes” are atop the pile.  We all know of Chesterton, Orestes Brownson, Lord Whosamacallit and Sir Whatshisface. However, I have once again topped you all, inasmuch as I have now drunk deeply from the well of wisdom of Thorndike Fritz. A simple perusal of his wikipedia bio which I recently authored should alert bookish bloggers to take note and promptly jot down all monograph, journal and book titles, and order them as soon as possible from Amazon. Many, of course are far too subtle and refined for such a market, so you shall have to find a hidden bookseller in Finland. Also, email me personally for rare Thorndike scanned pfd’s.

Thorndike Fritz

Only known photo of Thorndike Fritz (seated), pictured with unknown scholar

Thorndike Fritz, born May 1, 1845 is regarded by true religious intellectuals as the greatest mind of the modern age. He worked under countless pseudonyms and aliases to hide his genius during the great revolutions of 19th century Finland. A Finnish Lutheran by birth, Fritz was born into sever poverty, the child of two poor cigar rollers. Fritz was able to learn proper pipe smoking and cigarish arts from the very crib, some say. [biased]

Fritz’s prodigious talents were soon apparent, when as a young child he translated the classic Finnish oral epic “Snow Demon” into Swahili.  The work had little print success as the African children were both unable to read it, as well as understand the concept of snow.  Fritz then began his own private translation of the Latin and Greek Church Fathers into English and then back into Latin and Greek. However, these manuscripts were unfortunately burned in the great Finnish Fire of 1849. Rumors have circulated for decades that Finnish Lutherans with apostolic succession were in possession of these mangled tractates.

The adolescent Frtiz attended Oxford for a brief period, but soon departed finding it a “drag.” However, some writers posit that the noted “drag” reference was used in regard to the local British tobacco, which Fritz found to be something savouring of humor. Modern liberal academics have posited that the “drag” reference was evidence of sublimated transvestitism which the great thinker underwent, due to his overt conservatism. See Mandel, “Drag” in Late Modern Finnish Eros: Thorndike Fritz. Read more of this post