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By: Jay Dyer

I was, for several years in my early 20s a supporter of Paul Washer.  To me he seemed a godly leader: A real missionary, and a true “reformer.” I played his sermons on tape in my car on long drives and even made copies to distribute to my fellow damned college students, thirsting for the “true Gospel of God’s grace.” I met Washer and spoke with him on theology several times during that bizarre phase and what is now very humorous upon reflection is how absurd the carnival barker Washer seems now.

As I matured in biblical theology and Church History the formation of the biblical canon became more and more of a central topic.  I eventually came to reject common (unfounded) Protestant dogmas, such as sola scriptura and sola fide for the simple reason they were unheard of until the time of the Reformation.  Prior to Luther and Calvin, the doctrines of sola fide and sola scriptura were laughably non-existent.  There is a nuclear embarrassment for these positions – that of a complete blackout of Protestant theology for the first 1,500 years of the Church.  Apparently, the Holy Spirit forgot the Church, but the good news is, in this perilous times God brought us the magnificent Paul Washer who cries on cue at the same point in his emo revivalist stage theatric “sermons” (that has to be the spirit moving him!).

The last time I spoke to Paul Washer, he literally had me thrown out of a Baptist Church by his retarded goon groupies because I asked him privately where the Church was for the first 1,500 years.  Washer, who lauds and praises his own “openness to correction” and fervent desire to be righted is more of a low grade rock star for the backwoods rejects and college pansies who worship at his altar.   Washer snorted at me thrice, as the pitch rose to yell, “It was a complete blackout, Jay, a complete blackout–a blackout!”

Paul Washer was quite flippant and open about his newly found Anabaptistic worldview–that the Church had been forsaken, and that the Anabaptists (literally the most retarded of all heretics) had possibly restored it.  But Paul is a Calvinist, and the Anabaptists, for the most part, weren’t.  So apparently we have a restored Church by heretics, at some unknown time wheeled in as a deus ex machina to explain Washer’s nonsensical circus – somehow Paul Washer has a connection to this small, holy band of Luddites (who no longer exist by the way, aside from Amish and Mennonites). Yet who is truly the Church? It can’t be those nasty “Orthodox idolators”–even though in 2001 Paul Washer was quoting Orthodox Bishops in his sermons (like St. Augustine, Bishop of Hippo)!  The Church, for Paul, also can’t be those baby-baptizing Calvinists, because Paul Washer believes only adult baptism is the mark of the true believer’s church.

It can only be the guru Paul Washer himself, who, for all his zeal against Joel Osteen and for all his 1 million hits plus on youtube have suckered Baptists into following his own novelties.  Consider this same overly dramatic sermon I have seen Paul Washer preach several times–and each time he preaches the same words, with the same emotions and pauses, just as theatrical as a Benny Hinn crusade, but with more Calvinist fire and brimstone.

Are we to believe that God truly moves St. Washer to the same recognition of his own “smallness” and public piety, every time he preaches this rehearsed sermon?  Why is it this is the same prayer I’ve heard him say over and over and over, with the same bombastic emotions?  Consider what he says at the beginning of his sermon: if he is a false prophet, he should be avoided.  He is a false prophet. He does not teach the doctrines of the Orthodox Church nor the Ecumenical Councils.  In fact, he abhors the Church and her definitions and serves and aggrandizes himself.  He is openly a Nestorian, as the lot of Calvinists are. Maybe Paul just enjoys “rebuking” the college girls for their short shorts.

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