Today’s Meditation: Freedom!
The world is now run by virtuous, informed citizens who jealously guard their liberties and work tirelessly to keep themselves abreast of the latest legislation and geopolitical developments. Thanks to the Enlightenment, humanity was awakened to its own inner potential. We saw the divine spark within ourselves, and realized we are our own true masters. I am the Captain Crunch of my own destiny. Humans across the globe for the first time in history became conscious of their political destiny and rose up to install masonic republics where the hallowed institution of law would rule.
Prior to this, all men were in a dark age. The dark age of aeons past was one in which kings ruled, and these kings were vile, religious figures that persecuted innocent witches, based on their phallocentric superstition. The truth is, these power hungry men feared the power of the vajayjay, and knew if woman was released from her domestic prison, human rights would break the chains of global self-imposed tutelage. Billions of innocent witches were burned by entities like the Catholic Church, and in Salem alone, the famed witch trials killed a million fearless women.
The freedom of the enlightened citizen also showed the world the folly of belief in races, gender and patriarchal sexual tyranny. All of us are to a degree homosexual, and on the sexual spectrum, we enjoy the gender freedom we so desire. Great heroic women of the French Revolution were martyred to bring you Internet porn, freeing you from the bondage of actual sexual interaction.
In our day, we are subject to the tyranny of unsustainable population growth and right-wing religious fanatics. Religion still reigns in the minds of the backwards and superstitious, who are incapable to recognizing that science has left them behind. Through science, we will soon be able to download our minds into a zip drive, and science has proven this. Like the film Lucy, we will be able to achieve immortality, like Aladdin’s genie lamp. With the rise of Artificial Intelligence and cloning, we will soon be able to have sex with dinosaurs and robots, as well as dinobots, as wo-man was always destined to do. Let freedom ring!
So today, I want you to take a deep breath, meditate with me, and believe in yourself. Stop for a moment and smell the flowers. Close your eyes, and place yourself in a valley of lillies. Allow the lillies to gentle brush your privies. A unicorn prances towards you – touch that unicorn – feel it, let the unicorn slowly take over your mind. Now very slowly, find your heat in your mind. Let your heart run free into a field. Follow your heart into a dark glade. Now tackle your heart, and slowly punch it, until blood runs forth. Kick the butt of your heart. In it’s place, let the unicorn spirit arise. You have now conquered your dreams! If you think it, it will come, like that one movie said.