Great Unused Alternative Band Names

Tweet Tweet Terrorist! or Pony Force?  YOU DECIDE!

Tweet Tweet Terrorist! or Pony Force? YOU DECIDE!

By: Jay, Kid B, and other geniuses.

Are you a rebellious teen with a garage band seeking to sweep the underground scene, but find it difficult to tag your team with just the right title?  Maybe you’re an emo fag with a sense of irony looking for just the right play on a B actor’s name?   Maybe you’re still part of some Seattle alternative scene searching the Thesaurus for a catchy, yet offensive name.  Or are you a DJ with a dance/remix set out of this world, but lacking in just the right food reference following “D.J.”  Look no further – Jay and Kid B are longtime music industry insiders, so we know how the game is played and what cookie-cutter formula works.  Our patented method of generating unused band names is sure to rocket you noise makers to the top of the charts!  Just choose from the list below, or, once you’ve discovered the pattern, create your own!

How we do it:

The Rockadore 6660 inputs high tech megabyte mainframe algorithms that pair words, bits and data signature electronics together and spits them out!

The Rockadore 6660 inputs high tech megabyte mainframe algorithms that pair words, bits and data signature electronics together and spits them out!

Choose your own musical adventure! - Examples:

Ronnie and The Uhaul Trailers, tonic glove, gunt, skunk bullet, smell raiders, dicks of soul, invisible fiend, the mists fits, chunk diddly, breakfast champs, tricks for kids, tribe called queer, air biscuit, dj touchebag, cereal killers, sir ass, Ciggy Scardust, David Ho-ey, goober peace, rev. up rush, Lima bean dreamers, Skidney beans, the bladder scanners, Fearlobes, Dottie ruckus and the American screamers, Britney Acne, camel toe jam, Wyoming warlords, beat hump now, scratch n riff, pouty Arabians, snob slobber, dj iq and the retardz, Shroom groom, fumblers of the left handed path, bride of Skankenstein, nfl on LSD, the slow kids, short bus boogie, the hoarse whisperer, don turncoat and the yellow bellies, Pepto Von Bismarck, banana scam, cry wind, poke a hontas, unipopcorn, the mkultras, help me cool me, hello skelter, cat breath, insolent Phatulence, rumpus riders, teen cattle prod, knives of Tallahassee, snob goblins, bell bivy divas, left handed heck, the overdrawn bank accounts

"We ARE Gust of Hair. Thanks, Jay!" -Gust of Hair

“We ARE Gust of Hair. Thanks, Jay!” -Gust of Hair

machine gun orgy, stank jaw, eyes wide shucks, homeless hipsters, otter thought, lollipop trollop, goon nudity, bologna boomerang, beat feeler and the dipshits, Betty Hinn and the fresh spirits, dj sticky pits, mr. Mc feel me, sex of ocean, cussing heart, slush cunt, the slow-cones, hellions of mint, the obgy enemies, fuckbucket, sickey mouse trap, sweet serious, gust of hair, fade to Barack, delicate horn, balding Whisp, sensitive slouch, heel, Hu!, janitor boyz, dj milquetoast and the crunchy lunch, captain coon bomb’s laser manifesto, esoteric kneecap, dickola tesla and the electronic vibrators, tramp camp logistical, the cunt stash apparatus, the nymphtones, sausage psy op orchestra, carot tarrot, the Fannypack elimination, spandex nightmare, horse in tights, wings of gnarlya, mystic movement of the downtrodden dolphin, milky vanilli, Pegasus patchouli, Peggy breath and the virginia slims, soul smell linger, Trenchcoat toast, rubber band grand, hemophiliac hucksters, DJ Rational and the Yogurt Yogis, touch of tongue, tater tot trumpet, tweet tweet terrorist!, pterodactyl scrotum

the porn pork proposition, intercourse instructors, rooster border cartel, declaration of indifference, apathy catechism, butt, weirding rainbow, legion of indecision, inch by inch, special forces milkshake, measles on wheels, stiffy bump, lewd laceration, sag-atha Christie, droop breast, failed figure, murder she hoped, dungosaur, floppy mastodon, dr. Flute great, China Bagina, vajayjay Fadd, dick dust, skin of mt Rushmore, body fluid riot, Humpsack of Notre Dave, dr. No and dj clit, Edward Cung and the Fruit Pumpers, macro machete, darlings of mung, Pythagorean dung, math titties, rat tail rapists, hummmburger, we don’t, lazy tag, wounded talent, raise me up bubble, dirty dirty dirty, hard corn, path to corn, essprite, wirescream, trail of dud, subtraction nipple, boo!, Howard the Dutch, fat yammer, canned thrust, ferocious posture

"I thought it was a bunch of random words and nonsense, but Jay was able to give it an esoteric meaning, and now my all-girl flute-a-fone band is opening for N Sync!" -The Hope Goats

“I thought it was a bunch of random words and nonsense, but Jay was able to give it an esoteric meaning, and now my all-girl flute-a-fone band is opening for N Sync!” -The Hope Goats

Chuck Buddies, The Sylvan Burning Institute, Netfux Subscription, A Cringeworthy Lady’s Night, Remember MTVs?, The Vericose Vains, Poochy and the Humperdinks, The Shrew Man Group, Commie Chung, Air Matress Distress, Murphy Marries Bush Bitch, Tiiight!, The Quads, Condeleeza Rize, Smelly Belly and the Furry Fellas, The Jackson Four, Nahrwall Conspiracy, Lumbar Punctures, 3 on A Meathook, Your Brother Mother and Bear, Smarty Pants, The Wabash Cannonnball, Jam Comedy Def, Madcap Claptrap, Richie Bitch, My Pants, Ed Wood if He Could, Shitty Band Night, The Wilford Brimleys, Cruise 2: Speed Control, Bitch Be Fugly, Nnfected Toe, Hustler Magazine Recall, Crude Oil Postcards, The Groovy Groovers, Shit a Brick, Two Tone Cone, The Breakfast Shlub, The Pipe Cracks, Root Beer Nation, Pleathur Jackets, Crime After Crime, Yo Momma Done Told Me, Hurts Don’t It?, Best of the Best, You suck, The Friar Tuck’s, Ouch!, Grody Commode Continue reading

Ginger Snaps of the Apocalypse

Back when the holidays meant something.

Back when the holidays meant something.

By: Jay

(Dedicated to Rev. Lloyd Johnsonius)

If the holiday season means anything, it means sermons based on cute turns of phrase and highly clever ideas. I’ve gone ahead and supplied a list of great sermon and homily titles, prepackaged for all you ministers, preachers and holy men out there:

“Ginger Snaps of the Apocalypse” (Tie that holiday homily into a fiery furnace exposition of the end times, but with a touch of cookies.)

“The SINod of Bishops” (A casual rebuke of the degeneracy of the clergy.)

“The Theory of EVILution”  (Set those atheists straight with some Genesis, but focus on the sexy stories.)

“Foreskins of the Founding Fathers” (Highlights the founding fathers of Amerika and their beliefs in the good ole book. Ties in well with Moses.)

“Faith to SMOOTH Mountains” (Got a church full of young players and “mack-daddies”? Set them straight on how sex isn’t the goal of life)

“Elijah and E-LIEjah” (A moralistic tale on – you got it – truth tellin’!)

“Scrooge’s Tithing Lesson” (Forget the Bible – just tell a moralistic Dickens story)

“90 Proof Truth” (The next time that parishoner thinks about drowning himself in goblets of Wild Turkey, he’ll think again!)

“I’m Cross with You” (An exposition of how love crosses all boundaries. Forgive and forget – most of the time, of course) Continue reading

The “Bin Laden Raid” is the Plot of Navy Seals (1990)

Original Cinema Quad Poster - Movie Film PostersBy: Jay

I have highlighted fake news recently, and in a fit of 80s mania, I decided to watch the Charlie Sheen/Michael Biehn Navy Seals because I had never seen it.  Although made in 1990, it was still in that gray area of 80s-90s transition, where there is little differentiation.  Hilariously, it quickly became apparent that Seals was more than it appeared.  Like the rest of the 80s military recruitment films such as Top Gun and Stripes, it is pure propaganda designed to dupe morons into thinking that signing up for the Navy would equal a life like the absurd portrayal of the Seals in the film.  And if you can imagine it, Navy Seals is far worse than Top Gun.  One can easily picture the Pentagon saying to Hollywood, “Look, we like that Top Gun thing – it did wonders for recruitment numbers following the drop of the draft.  Here’s a few less million, though, and see if you can slap together something really quick with that Sheen guy.”

There’s a lot of comedy to be had in Navy Seals, but the big reveal is this: it looks to be the plot of the equally cheesy B-movie known as the real-life Bin Laden compound raid.  One of the greatest frauds in the history of mainstream media is the bin Laden raid, which managed to dupe the majority of the childlike populace in Amerika.  A year or so after, throngs of people swarmed to bookstores to buy the absurd Seal Team Six book that supposedly described in detail how the daring mission was accomplished, along with a preposterous propaganda film, Zero Dark Thirty.   The fact that the film and book and raid came so close together and constituted such a perfect ratings boost for Obama seemed lost on most of the kindergarten public.

Readers of JaysAnalysis are not so easily duped.  Having tracked these frauds and hoaxes by the media magii for a while now, we have watched scam after scam, from North Korea to bin Laden, to you name it.  Like Katniss’ realization in Mockingjay, it is quickly becoming apparent that the Capitol regularly fakes news.  Now, the only real debate is to what quantitative degree is our news fake.  With Navy Seals we have a clear scenario that parallels the bin Laden fairy tale so closely that it is hard to accept mere coincidence.  Since we know the bin Laden story is pure bull, and since we know Hollywood is intimately involved in propaganda and staging events for the military industrial complex (and has been for a long time), it is not hard to believe that the news story behind the famed killing of bin laden was simply a recycled awful script from a 1990 Sheen film.

What Mac & Me is to E.T., Navy Seals is to Top Gun, though Top Gun is no good.

Navy Seal base in the film with the compound model.

We don’t really need a lengthy analysis of the plot, simply because there isn’t much of one.  What plot does exist is very simple: America is at war with Islamic radicals, and the Seals must extract the bin Laden-style boogeymen before they attain more stinger missiles.  Two Al Qaeda-ish leaders are tracked down in Beirut.  While the first is extracted from his compound, the main villain cannot be, and the film ends with a fight between Sheen and the bin Laden-esque villain.  In a hilarious twist of irony, the villain is given an impromptu burial at sea, as Sheen drowns him.  Just like in “reality,” we were told by the media that the compound was raided by the Seals with bin Laden captured and given a burial at sea.   As you can see, the model and the picture in the picture above from the film are very similar to the supposed model the Pentagon designed before the “raid.”

The Bin Laden "Compound" Model

The Bin Laden “Compound” Model

Continue reading

Jays Analysis on Stefan and/or Joe Rogan?

Libertarian Stefan Molyneux.

Libertarian Stefan Molyneux.

Several readers have suggested a debate with Stefan Molyneux on theism and/or a discussion with Joe Rogan on some such topic. Shows that have large audiences will not generally invite a guest on without significant interest. So, if you would like to see this, send Stefan and/or Joe Rogan a tweet or message. Thanks!

Twitter: @JoeRogan @freedomainradio

Guest Post: Lloyd Johnsonius – Putin Stinks

The Architect of modern GOP policy, Lloyd Johnsonius.

The Architect of modern GOP policy, Lloyd Johnsonius.

Neo-conservative Lluminary and political genius, Mr. Johnsonius, shares some Lloyd Llogic refuting the Putin “op ed” with his own wisdom.

By: Lloyd Johnsonius
I find it extremely troubling in our modern era to see that some younger right-wingers are beginning to respect Vladimir Putin.  Like his ancestor, Grigori Rasputin, Vladimir (they dropped the “Ras” part of Putin years ago) Putin is hypnotizing you. If you ask me, something about that man stinks worse than Barney Frank’s sheets.
In my day, there was a little thing we called The Red Scare, where the communist menace, distributed through Russia, tried to take over the world.  Vladimir Putin was standing on the front lines with an AK-47, handing out Communist Manifestos and burning American flags.  The Ruskies have always been a dirty people, and even in Putin’s Russia, it is mostly a country of mafias, hoods, criminals, drug-dealers and beautiful, willing, and sexually adventurous prostitutes.
As a conservative, liking Vladimir Putin is like embracing Michael Moore, except Putin—with his dirty spy brainwashing tactics—is much trickier than a certain fat pile of garbage who may have single-handed ruined the auto industry. It’s a rookie mistake, and I can see how they’d make it. Continue reading

Guest Post – Jessica Trendi Hearts Bono and Environment

Hi! I'm Jezz. lol j/k!

Hi! I’m Jezz. lol j/k!


“Bono is a celestial-sent cockblock to all this environmental rapeyness.” -Jezz

By: Jessica Trendi

Ok, first of all, Bono is like sooo deep. I’ve followed U2 for years and he totally has belief in God.  At one concert in Orlando in 2004 I saw him get down on his knees and after throwing up whatever demons might have got inside him from those pills and whiskey, he was totally praying to God.  I mean, Bono even has that Jesus look if you add a beard.  Look at this picture and tell me you aren’t tempted to think divine thoughts.  If God did come back, He would totally wear Gucci frames.  In fact, Bono is so godish my megachurch pastor even lets us sing old U2 songs during praise and worship, which is totally cool, except when we sing “Bullet the Blue Sky” which totally sounds like some kind of patriarchal penis contest battle to me, but I just pray that Bono knows what he’s doing. I hear in like the 80s he was totally not for war, so IDK. :)

Bono lookin' deee-vine!

Bono lookin’ deee-vine!

But there are like a million reasons why Bon-Oh (yes, girls, that O!) is so rad. First, every fiber of his Calvin Klein covered being oozes with total passion for environment, since we are like decapitating dolphins, emitting grody gasses and eating all the African foods up. So sit back ladies and pop a few Bons-Bons (tee hee ;) and let me tell you why environment matters and why I love U2.

One Zillion reasons Bono is so tight Continue reading

JaysAnalysis Interviews Comedian Chris Crofton

A picture of the comedian, Chris Crofton.

A picture of the comedian, Chris Crofton.

Jay’s Analysis was fortunate enough to interview Nashville comedian Christ Crofton. In this laffy interview, Chris sounds off on a host of issues, including the Obama administration and its track record, American idiocracy and indifference, the NSA spying, the ongoing state of war, Bill Hicks, East Nashville hipsterism, standup comedy, and his own best and worst experiences as a professional comedian.

Chris Crofton is aptly called “a comic’s comic.” He has done standup in clubs nationwide and opened for comic greats, Louie CK and Bob Odenkirk, as well as appearing in Harmony Korine’s “Trash Humpers.” Chris presently hosts the Chris Crofton Show.

Check out The Chris Crofton Show here.

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JaysAnalysis Interviews Dooms Chapel Horror Director John Holt

It is, in fact, coming...

It is, in fact, coming…

I was able to track down The Dooms Chapel Horror director, John Holt for an interview, since he was filming locally.  In the interview, we discuss the evolution from the short film to the production, his own ideas and tastes, as well as my own pitch to create a horror film about the life of Stanley Kubrick – as a werewolf.  Fun interview!

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Follow The Dooms Chapel Horror on Facebook here

On Twitter here

Check out JaysAnalysis’ other interviews here!

The Apotheosis of the Stupid

Your local manager.

Your local manager.

By: Jay

An educated person in America operates under the duress of a constant and perpetual disconnect.  I don’t mean a person who was pilched for $70k for a slip of paper from some socialist state school, or even a framed slip from some “elite” private school, since the educational format is essentially standardized in this country.  I mean people who have an education.  Foreign bloggers and writers that peruse my site often show wonderment, commenting that “if this guy was in another country, he would be hailed as a great thinker.”  But alas, I am in the midst of a land (o lakes) that is hell-bent on a plaid-speed (to quote Spaceballs) path to disintegration and self-destruction.  For me, the most shocking revelation of my experience in higher education was the realization that stupidity is the path to sainthood in modernity.  People who learn how to learn, or later in life attempt to learn a classical formulation of education, replete with critical thinking, are the new devils.

IQ is supposed to be an indicator of future potential and success, but what happens when IQ becomes a threat?  It has long been said that only intelligence can recognize intelligence, so when the mass populace is dumbed down, the cumulative effect upon the literati is even worse.  My controversial thesis as you may guess, is that this is by design.  It was not designed by the hordes of hobgoblin heifers that haunt the gaunt halls of public education, but by social engineers decades ago, who egalitarian theories are already long debunked.  Somehow, total lies became the norm, and when one discusses these issues with a baby-boomer, the only reaction is disdain and the canned “grow up and get a job” line.  Well, growing  up presumably means understanding the system and acting accordingly, which none of the boomers seem able to do.  But reality has a funny way of coming back to attack you, like a thief in the night, and the baby boomers’ denials of reality are now beginning to come to full fruition.  Continue reading

JaysAnalysis Interviews Game of Thrones’ Tommy Patterson

Jay’s Analysis brings you a new interview with The New York Times’ #1 Best Selling Game of Thrones graphic novel artist, Tommy Patterson.  Tommy Patterson is a rising star in the comic world, with a wealth of work under his belt already, from the Jim Henson Company’s Farscape to George R.R. Martin’s Game of Thrones, now an Emmy-winning HBO series. In this interview we discuss Tommy’s upbringing, life in a small town, high school hijinks, university nonsense and breaking into the industry.  From there, we discuss philosophy and the subject matter of the new world order and the Illuminati.  From conspiracy theories to the trivium and quadrivium, Tommy gives us some silliness on hair metal, some insight into his worldview and the relationship of the individual’s psychological progression and its relation to the work the artist produces as an aesthetician.  Take note – Tommy’s star is on the ascendant!

Game of Thrones reached #1 on the New York Times' Best Seller list.

Game of Thrones reached #1 on the New York Times’ Best Seller list.

To contact or follow Tommy, harass him on his Twitter here

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